Captain Jack Live From My Living Room
by BlueBeauty
Summary: When lightening strikes my TV set the characters from Pirates of the Caribbean come to life right smack in my living room...can you say utter hilarity? CH 10 ADDED!
1. Drum Roll Please

A/N: I am writing this for all the people who love Cap'n Jack and Will Turner...R&R! Do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, LOTR, Chewbacca, Peter Pan, and the Perfect Storm  
  
I was sitting idly in the living room one Friday night. No one was home. My family had gone off to see Lord of the Rings for the tenth time at the dollar theater. I had gotten so tired of seeing Frodo's finger bitten off that I had opted to stay home. So there I sat, dateless and lonely. Thunder and lightening were doing its usual "scary dryer tumble dry on high" routine and scaring my brother's shiatsu Chewbacca a ball of fluffed up fur out of his head. I had put on several DVD's not caring which ones they were and then suddenly in the middle of the movie I would get bored and put in a different movie. This happened several times. I finally got to the P's in our alphabetically organized DVD shelf (what can I say my mother's an organizing freak) and so after switching from Peter Pan and Perfect Storm I got to Pirates of the Caribbean. My two year old lisping sister calls it Pi-rats of da Cary-bean. I settled down the golden coin dropping on the menu screen and figured this was going to be the movie that occupied my quiet evening. Little did I know things were about to change drastically... 


	2. Live from Kat Rice's Living Room

A/N: Do not own Chewbacca or POC (Pirates of the Caribbean...duh...lol)  
  
Chewbacca had finally settled down on the leather couch beside me, but was still shivering because of the booming thunder. I watched the screen on our big TV with intensity. It was my favorite part in the movie! Captain Jack had just given his famous "What about the rum?" bit. I laughed my high pitched laugh that annoyed even some of my best friends who were all my age only fifteen. Chewbacca's ears flew up. He suddenly ran out of the room. I heard his tiny paws thumping on the stairs as he went up to hide under my brother's bed. He knew something I did not. He knew to get out of the way! Trouble was coming. Suddenly the power went out as a huge bolt of lightening stuck nearby. I heard the stupid dog's yelping upstairs. The living room was dark. I could not see my hand in front of my face. Then suddenly I knew I wasn't alone in the house. I heard a heavy breathing, and it wasn't coming from Chewbacca. Then I heard a groan. My eyes grew wide. "UH OH," I thought. I'd seen to many stories on the news about what happen to girls when people broke in their houses...can you saw gore and murder?  
  
"Uhhhhhh," Someone groaned again. "I've never had a hangover this bad," A man said in the darkness. I knew that voice...but from where?  
  
"Jack, you haven't ever had breath this bad either," I was surprised to hear a female proper English accented voice in the darkness. "Ahhh! It smells sooo bad,"  
  
"Why'd everything get so dark?" The Jack asked.  
  
"The sun fell from the sky," The girl said sarcastically.  
  
"Will you two stop arguing??" Another man said. I was desperately trying to find a candle and some matches.  
  
"Commander Norrington!?" The girl's voice suddenly went quite shrill. Everyone groaned and covered their ears. If she reached any higher notes with her voice she would shatter glass. Lightening lit up the room temporality, but when I turned all was dark again.  
  
"Yes I'm here and so is Mr. Turner," Commander Norrington said in an irritated tone.  
  
"Will! How'd you get off the Pearl?" She asked. I was fumbling with a match. I'd found my mother's favorite ginger snap flavored candle and now I was attempting to light it.  
  
"I dunno. I was there and then Bam! I came here," Will said.  
  
"Oh Will!" I heard her say dreamily. Then I heard a smacking sound. It sounded as though she had kissed him.  
  
"That felt nice luv," Jack Sparrow said in a slurred way. "Sad it has to end,"  
  
"Ohh!" The girl (who I could only guess was Elizabeth) shrieked. Again we all covered our ears and groaned. "EEWWW!" I heard a resounding slapping sound.  
  
"Well you didn't have to go to the trouble and make me feel better about the situation, luv," I finally struck the match against something and it flamed so I hurriedly lit the candle.  
  
"I say what's that," Commander Norrington exclaimed at the light.  
  
"It's a candle you fool," Jack Sparrow said sarcastically.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!" Will suddenly let out a bloodcurdling, spine curdling and (whatever else can curdle...spleen, liver, kidney...ect) scream. Everyone looked up at him.  
  
"Problem?" Norrington asked.  
  
"No not really," Will shrugged. "I just felt it would help the mood some how,"  
  
"Who are you?" Elizabeth asked. She was the first to realize I was standing right there with a candle in my hand. The room was still pretty dark. I could make out their shapes in the shadows.  
  
"I...I...um...,"  
  
"You could start by giving me your name you sweet angel upon the earth," Norrington suddenly spoke up. My mouth dropped open. Everyone else was in shock.  
  
"Next you'll be want'n the lass's address," Jack mumbled. Elizabeth jabbed him in the stomach with her elbow. "Oafff." He groaned. "I don't think I deserved that,"  
  
"My names Katherine Rice, call me Kat,"  
  
"Cat? As in meow? As in the cat's meow?" Norrington purred. I turned red.  
  
"Umm not quite, Commander," Elizabeth said. I heard the fridge door open.  
  
"Jack what are you doing?" Will asked.  
  
"Looking for me rum," Jack slurred again.  
  
"All we have is Bud Light, and some of my mom's diet beer,"  
  
"Bud Light?" Jack questioned. "Some sort of uhh new pirate name or sumthing?"  
  
"Um...no," Before I could say anything else he pried the cap of the beer with his teeth and guzzled the stuff down.  
  
"This stuff is watered down!" He said in disgusted, and then he pointed a finger at Elizabeth. "You...all the rum is....gone!"  
  
"Hmmm, why? Oh yes I already explained it," Her voice cracked. Norrington was still looking at me and winking flirtatiously. "It is an evil and vile drink!"  
  
"Did you know that if you mix the letters around in evil you get the word v- i-l-e?" Will mused. Jack rolled his eyes and came back over walking his famous swagger.  
  
"Ya know Will I don't think that eva crossed me mind," He said tossing the empty beer bottle behind him. It landed in the trash can with perfect form.  
  
"Maybe you should try to get on the Mavericks," I said. I pulled my hand away from Norrington who was kissing it.  
  
"No luv, I don't like messing around cows, nasty beasts," Jack answered. Ok I was going crazy. I had all the main characters except for Barbossa in my living room....get back to you on where Barbossa was hiding... 


	3. Drooling Commodores

A/N: I realized something after I posted the last chapter. It's Commodore not Commander Norrington. Woops! Ok continuing on...quite a departure from my other serious thought provoking story...lol.  
  
I seriously had to sit down. I mean wouldn't you? If the main characters from Pirates of the Caribbean dropped into your living room. So I sat back on the couch in the dark shadows wondering what would happen next...oh and wouldn't you like to know. Will seemed different than from the movie. Maybe the lightening strike messed with his brain. My parents wouldn't be home hopefully until midnight with my brother and sister.  
  
"So luv how do you suppose we get me back to me ship," Jack asked. They were all sitting in beanbags around the couch as if I was the queen and they were my loyal subjects.  
  
"That's all you think about is your blasted ship!" Elizabeth exclaimed twirling her blonde hair with her manicured nails.  
  
"Well wouldn't you?" Jack said leaning back into the bean bag. He crossed his arms and looked at me sulkily.  
  
"No actually not, I think about something...something else,"  
  
"More like someone else," Norrington snorted. Will looked around with a blank stare on his face. Finally he noticed everyone looking out him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing," Norrington said. He turned back to me. "Bonjour le coup de foudre," He said taking my hand and pushing my sleeve up. He began kissing up my arm.  
  
"I'd appreciate it Commodore if you would stop...that!" Elizabeth removed the Commodore's hand a little bit roughly and then glared at me like I was her problem. Hey she wasn't in love with him. He was totally free. Though he was kind of gross, I think he was starting to drool. UGH!  
  
"Look darling...dear...luv," Jack Sparrow stumbled. "If I can borrow some of the uhhh...Commodore's language... I want my ship back now, woah..." He crossed his eyes. He was still a little tipsy.  
  
"Oh go sleep it off," Elizabeth pushed him off his beanbag.  
  
"ARRRGGGggggGGgggg," Will growled.  
  
"What's with him?" I asked the Commodore. Bad idea.  
  
"That's normal; he does it once in a while. The trip here really fried the poor boy's brain," The Commodore said pleasantly. "Now... where were we my angel?"  
  
"Uhhh no where," I said raising my eyebrows.  
  
"What's with your hair?" Elizabeth suddenly sat up in her bean bag. I pulled a strand of my highlighted auburn hair.  
  
"Highlights? Oh it's nothing,"  
  
"It's not proper," Elizabeth sniffed.  
  
"What's not proper is my adoration for you," Commodore sighed deeply. I heard noises coming from behind the counter in the kitchen. Uh oh, I thought. Was that Barbossa? 


	4. Mr Macaroni

A/N: Sorry about the delay, been working on my other story. Don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, or Kleenex. Imagine Sparrow has an accent, I can't quite communicate it in his speaking parts.  
  
Jack Sparrow had apparently passed out and was lying on the floor snoring. Elizabeth was still staring evilly at my hair. I pulled it back into a pony-tail so the highlights wouldn't be as noticeable. I ignored the noises in the kitchen. I wasn't going to investigate it. If a skeleton Barbossa was in there I would be like a screaming banshee, and I didn't want to be the one who screamed a higher pitch than Elizabeth.  
  
"So...Katie...," Norrington began.  
  
"Its Kat," I corrected.  
  
"Ah yes, purrrrfect," He said laughing at his own joke. Elizabeth turned and promptly slapped him on the shoulder, hard.  
  
"Ow!" He said.  
  
"That's no way to talk to a lady," She said her English accent shining through every syllable.  
  
"OW!" Will mimicked suddenly. He didn't feel as though he was getting enough attention. We all turned towards him.  
  
"Are you hurt Will?" Elizabeth asked placing her hand purposely on his knee, and leaning seductively towards him, the sleeve of her white dress falling down on her shoulder. So far I didn't think Will was noticing that she was trying to get his attention  
  
"Ow," He said again looking directly at her.  
  
"What's wrong my sweet?" She had now positioned herself closer to Will.  
  
"Boo Boo," He said pointing to an almost invisible cut on his elbow.  
  
"How about I kiss it to make it well?" Elizabeth asked. She lowered her lips close to his elbow. When she had brushed her lips against his skin he suddenly jerked and sent his elbow flying up against her mouth.  
  
"That tickled!" He laughed.  
  
"Ohhhhh!" She screamed placing her hand over her now bleeding mouth. We covered our ears once more as the ear splitting squeal erupted from her. I hurriedly got up and grabbed a Kleenex and shoved it into her lap. She scowled at me.  
  
"Now Kat, have you ever sailed on the Caribbean?" Norrington asked hoping to draw my attention away from the gore and violence and focus myself back on him.  
  
"I've gone on a cruise once,"  
  
"Cruise?" He asked.  
  
"Yes, it's where people go and live on a boat for seven days and sail around these beautiful places. The foods not half bad," I said  
  
"Sounds boring, you don't even get to kill a pirate?" He asked.  
  
"Pirates!?!" Jack Sparrow suddenly sat up from his drunken sleep. "What?? Where?"  
  
"Not here, Mr. Sparrow," Norrington said irritated at the interruption. "But while you're up, don't think that your sentence for piracy has been canceled. We're still scheduling you for a hanging as soon as we get into the next port,"  
  
"Wouldn't want to miss me own hanging," Jack muttered.  
  
"No," Norrington rolled his eyes.  
  
"Luv, you don't happen to have any food here do you?"  
  
"She isn't a bar maid Sparrow," Norrington said defensively.  
  
"Oh that's alright," I said starting to get up to go into the kitchen, completely forgetting about the Barbossa issue.  
  
"No, don't get up Kat, I'm not going to let him treat you like a kitchen wench," Norrington placed his hand on my knee.  
  
"Wench?" I said. "Now hold on Commodore..." I began to defend Jack. I quickly pushed his hand away from me. Personal bubble rules had to be observed.  
  
"Yes, now hold on Commodore," Jack mimicked. "Please, don't tell me you're not hungry. All you eat is onions, now that's not filling at all,"  
  
"I do not eat onions!" He said outraged.  
  
"Yes you do!" Elizabeth cut in. Both men looked at her in surprise. She had bits of Kleenex stuck to her bleeding lip. Jack stifled a laugh, and the Commodore looked away, exasperation etched on every feature.  
  
"What?" She said at their funny looks. "Do I have something on my face?" She asked placing a dainty hand on her forehead.  
  
"Nooooo," Jack said, winking at Norrington who rolled his eyes again.  
  
"Yes," Norrington said after a moment.  
  
"Oh get it off me!" She said seeing a piece of Kleenex float to the ground off her lip. She flapped her hands wildly. Norrington offered her his handkerchief. She snatched it away hurriedly.  
  
"No one look at me! I'm so ugly right now,"  
  
"Now luv don't be saying things that aren't true....well maybe it is true but don't worry your pretty little head....I mean...uh...never mind...," Sparrow trailed off. Elizabeth scowled.  
  
"Pirate," She hissed at him.  
  
"And proud to be one, luv. Savvy?"  
  
"Why do you keep saying "luv"?" Norrington asked him.  
  
"Because I feel like it...luv," Sparrow said sarcastically.  
  
"Ewwww," Will said speaking up.  
  
"What?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"He said love!"  
  
"And that's bad?" She asked sounding outraged.  
  
"Kissy stuff is for babies," He said turning away.  
  
"UH!" Elizabeth said in horror, placing her hands on her hips the best she could since she was still sitting in a bean bag.  
  
"But really, Kitty could you fix me something to eat?" Jack interrupted.  
  
"Kat," I corrected him.  
  
"Ok," He shrugged. "Kitty Kat could you fix me something to eat?"  
  
"Umm, sure," I said heading for the kitchen. I heard Norrington lecturing Sparrow on the proper way to address a lady, more importantly...his lady. I rolled my eyes in Norrington fashion. The mysterious noise was getting louder now as I entered. It sounded like...munching? It was darker in here without my candle. I found my older brother's flashlight just lying on the counter so I clicked that on. The beam shone eerily in the darkness. I grabbed a pan and some milk. Macaroni sounded good at the moment. I reached down underneath the counter into a cabinet with my hand searching for the box. Suddenly I felt something slap my hand away. I jumped back and screamed. I heard the others run into the kitchen.  
  
"My love are you injured?" I heard Norrington say behind me. I stooped down and looked into the dark space of the cabinet. There sitting among the boxes of cereal and a macaroni box was Barbossa. His hand was inside the macaroni box, and the cheese package for the box had been ripped open and was all over his mouth and hair and clothes. I heard a distinct crunching sound. He was eating the hard uncooked noodles!  
  
"OH MY GOSH!" I yelled jumping back again.  
  
"What?" Elizabeth said sarcastically. "Is it an itsy bitsy spider?" She pretended her hand was a spider and wiggled it around.  
  
"NO!" Jack said behind me. "It's Barbossa,"  
  
"What?? He almost killed my LOVE! Will protect me my daring!" Elizabeth said dramatically throwing herself into Will's arms. It would have been very romantic looking if Will hadn't stepped away at the exact moment to examine a crack in the tile floor. She landed with a heavy thud, knocked unconscious.  
  
"Uh is she ok?" I asked. Norrington and Sparrow shrugged. I turned back to a munching Barbossa. "What's your name?" I said.  
  
"Mac Aroni," He said looking at the label on the box.  
  
"Where do you live?"  
  
"In three cups of water," Barbossa answered reading the first part of the directions on the box. Amazing how a grown man with a gravelly voice could sound so much like a child.  
  
"Uh huh," I said pacing like a harried psychologist. My mother happened to be one, she taught me everything I knew. "The best place to start with a seemingly deranged person is to ask them simple questions, that will tell you everything you need to know," She had said once. I glanced back at Barbossa. Deranged? Yes. Sane? Probably not. The lightening must have whacked his brain out too. He grinned up at me, still munching on the macaroni. I smiled hesitantly back. Grrrreat. Just great! Not only did I have a love sick Commodore, an unconscious shriller, a sarcastic pirate, and a mentally deranged Will, but I also had a fried Barbossa on my hands. Could my life get any worse? I just had to ask didn't I, because it did... 


	5. Demon Dog

A/N: Don't own Captain Crunch, or the name Chewbacca...  
  
Elizabeth had yet to come back from her little "coma". I was worried she had a concussion, but the others told me not to worry, and that she would bounce back. That was quite comforting to say the least. I turned around from looking at Barbossa, and settled my eyes on Jack. Ah yes he had wanted food. He was motioning with his hand placing something invisible in his mouth and then repeating the motion. Oh boy. I shifted back around and looked through the boxes of cereal, trying not to bump into Barbossa.  
  
"How about having some of this stuff called Captain Crunch?" I asked behind me.  
  
"How savage," Norrington exclaimed. I looked back at him.  
  
"Why? Its cereal,"  
  
"You'd eat that?"  
  
"Why yes its actually quite good," I looked at him again confused. That was beginning to be a trend...confusion.  
  
"AHH! Have mercy upon the poor man's soul. I don't condemn hanging pirates, but eating them?? That's cannibalism Kat!" Norrington shouted. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Who was 'e?" Jack asked me.  
  
"There isn't any "was", and he isn't a real person! He's a picture for a cereal box! C-E-R-E-A-L!!!" I shouted back at them. They took a step back, no make that five steps back away from me. I showed them the box. Their faces were blank. "It's made up of oh sugar and more sugar, and corn and other junk," Their faces were still blank. "Never mind, just eat anything you want out of there...," I flung my hand towards the fridge. I looked at them...their faces still registered nothing. "Ok..., well I'm going to go sit down now," I headed back into the living room.  
  
"And you think I've spent too many hours in the sun?" I heard Jack mutter to Norrington. I sat on the couch and looked at the dark TV screen. I wasn't paying attention to much of anything for a while. I heard the guys talking about the stuff I had in the fridge.  
  
"What's this?" Will would ask. I winced as I heard a crash and the tinkling of glass.  
  
"I don't know Turner," Norrington would reply.  
  
"What's this?" Will asked again. More glass crashed on the tile floor. "There goes the may-o-naise," He said pronouncing the word with a little trouble.  
  
"Well shouldn't you clean that UP?" The Commodore finally said exasperated.  
  
"Nooooo," Will grinned and then began jumping up and down on the shards of glass and mayo with his heavy boots.  
  
"Stop that! Act like a man!"  
  
"JUMP! It's fun!" He said hopping up and down. He grabbed Norrington's hand as he jumped, jerking his arm up and down.  
  
"WoAh, WOah!" Norrington yelled as his arm was almost jerked from its socket. Suddenly I heard some rustling beside me. My neck snapped as I hurriedly turned to find the source of the sound. I dimly saw a hand in my mother potpourri bowl that was sitting on an end table by the couch. I slowly edged my face over the arm of the couch to see who the culprit was. I heard the familiar sound of munching again. Barbossa was eating my mother's lavender flavored potpourri. He stuck another handful in his mouth. I eyed him warily. He grinned, potpourri bits flew everywhere.  
  
"Great," I muttered. Then it happened. An eardrum busting shriek broke the silence.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" That obviously was Elizabeth. We covered our ears yet again. I guess she was awake.  
  
"DEMON FLEA BITTEN CUR!!!!!" Jack yelled. I hurried into the kitchen to see what the problem was. Chewbacca was growling and his fur was standing on end. Will, Norrington, and Elizabeth were all crouching on the counter trying to get away from him. He was jumping up and down trying to bite them. And for a small dog he could jump really high. I grabbed him while he was in midair.  
  
"Bad dog!" I said. He was still growling and trying to snap at them.  
  
"Well a lot of good that's going to do," Sparrow said sarcastically. I glared at him.  
  
"You got any better ideas?" I asked him saucily.  
  
"Ya... shoot it in the head!" He yelled at me.  
  
"Ohh Chewbacca do you want to go on the counter so you can...oh...bite a nice tasty sparrow?" I asked my dog. Sparrow arched his eyebrows.  
  
"You wouldn't, would ya matey?" He pleaded.  
  
"NO!" Elizabeth screamed again. I almost dropped the dog as her high pitched squeal reached my ears.  
  
"But haven't I professed my love to you?" They all said this at once. I smiled and stalked away with Chewbacca still in my arms. I locked the "demon" dog in his snug comfortable kennel so he wouldn't try to rip anyone's flesh with his teeth. Though that did sound oh so appealing... 


	6. Erik and Dictionary Blues

A/N: Don't own seven eleven, or phantom of the opera  
  
My parents were going to kill me. I looked at the clock. It read: 9:45 p.m. They'd probably be home at 12:00 a.m. My sister and brother would probably want to stop and get something to eat, and then they'd whine about how they didn't have any toys to keep themselves occupied. Seven Elevens would always be open so my dad would probably stop there for batteries.  
  
"Eh, Kat," I heard Norrington say behind me. I turned and scowled at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You'd better see what Barbossa is doing,"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Because maybe you wouldn't like the results if he finished doing what he's doing behind you,"  
  
"OH alright!" I turned back around and realized that: A. Barbossa was doing something he probably shouldn't be doing. B. I WAS GOING TO KILL NORINGTON BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TELL ME SOONER!!!!!!!!  
  
"Barbossa," I said in my sweetest "talk to the kindergartener" voice. He turned around, his face was covered in little brown pellets. I know what you're thinking and no it's not what you think it is. "Barbossa don't eat that," I walked over to him and began peeling the brown pellets off his disgusting face. He'd gotten in my hamster's food box which had been sitting on the top of the counter. My mother had put it there to remind me to feed my hamster Erik. I had named him that after my favorite musical bad boy, Erik the phantom of the opera. He was black and fuzzy and oh so wonderful to cuddle. The pellets were now all over the floor, and all over Barbossa. It would seem that my fluffy ball of love (Erik) wouldn't be getting any food tonight. I sighed and took the box away from Barbossa.  
  
BAM!  
  
BAM!  
  
I glanced over to see that Will was opening and closing a dictionary he'd found on the counter.  
  
BAM!  
  
"Will you stop that? I got me an awful hangover!" Sparrow growled.  
  
BAM! BAM! BAM!  
  
Will continued this time at a faster pace.  
  
BAM! BAM! BAM!....THUD!  
  
I looked down at the floor, Jack had just tackled Will. They lay sprawled on the tile. Elizabeth was no where to be seen. She'd probably gone upstairs. I heard Norrington tapping his fingers on the counter. He was bored. Well I wasn't!  
  
A/N: Don't worry I'll write more, just trying to work on the Phantom's Mask story too! 


	7. Drama Queen, My Fair Will, and the Tiff

A/N: I am so sorry for not updating for a long time. I've been busy with summer stuff, and my other story. Oh and by the way, I'm watching POTC right as I'm typing this! I hope you enjoy the next chapter! Oh and I'll include the ff.net screen name of anyone who can find the four references to My Fair Lady the musical in my next chapter (The first person who finds it!) Ah yeah I don't own POTC...R&R...  
  
"There she is," Commodore Norrington muttered. "Why Miss Swann we've had no fun with you...I mean without you," I turned to see Elizabeth coming down the stairs in MY TANK TOP AND JEANS!! Will and Jack both looked up at the same time from down on the floor where they had been trying to beat each other to oblivion.  
  
"Woah!" Jack suddenly staggered to a standing position. Will's mouth dropped and stayed that way until Jack noticed and plopped him on the chin with the end of his fist to close it.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked totally outraged.  
  
"Well I got dirt on my white undergarments that I was wearing when we got sucked into this reality," She said matter-a-factly "Barbossa took the dress back. So I went up stairs and took something out of your wardrobe. Quite a collection!"  
  
"Oh my gosh!" She was about to drive me insane as Will and Barbossa. I was about to strangle the wench! "Oh no," I muttered aloud.  
  
"What?" Jack turned to look at me.  
  
"I'm thinking like you now!"  
  
"Now tell me my bonny lass what be the problem with that?"  
  
"A lot!" I whined "Oh.... Never mind!" I waved him off, exasperated with the whole lot of them.  
  
"You have to admit the tank top is fitting," Will said sounding the most sane I had ever heard him the whole evening.  
  
"WHAT?" All four of us exclaimed looking at him. When I say four I mean me, Norrington, Jack, and Elizabeth. Barbossa was probably munching on Chewbacca's dog food by now...or worse. We couldn't believe what he'd said, nor did we get it.  
  
"What do you mean Mr. Turner?" Commodore Norrington said sternly.  
  
"I mean look what it says!" He said pointing towards the shirt. It was his turn to be exasperated with us. We all turned to read her shirt, I mean MY SHIRT! Jack read it out loud;  
  
"Drama Queen," He sounded out.  
  
"That's fitting, Commodore Norrington snorted. "And I'm surprised you can read, Sparrow,  
  
"Hey now, Pirates AIN'T stupid," Jack said purposely saying "AIN'T" to make the Commodore mad.  
  
"What in heavens name do you mean by "That's fitting," Commodore?" Elizabeth asked shrilly looking down at the lettering the shirt she was wearing. It was my favorite black tank-top, the words "Drama Queen" was done in bright pink, and she was wearing jeans...MY JEANS!! The only thing that made me feel better was that my jeans looked as if they were being taxed to the limit around her fat figure, this was to my complete satisfaction even though the jeans were probably ruined.  
  
"Just what I mean my darling," He replied sulkily.  
  
"You shouldn't make wisecracks at me! I was almost your wife!" Elizabeth complained.  
  
"Yeah Almost! There I was proposing to you in Port Royal and you had to fall off the ledge!"  
  
"It was an accident! My corset was making it hard to breathe!"  
  
"So you just decided to randomly fall off a wall into the ocean eh? Is that how you solve problems? Hmmm?" The commodore asked her.  
  
"NO! Oh! I'm a good girl I am!" She shrieked. Jack, Will, and I stood their staring at the arguing couple.  
  
"Sure..." The Commodore said shaking his head.  
  
"Well you aren't such a clean ducky yourself!" She screeched back at him. It was quite funny to see a girl with 17th century hair curled around her shoulders dressed in a black tank top with the words "Drama Queen" printed on it yelling at a fully grown man dressed in full British Commodore regalia. I choked back laughter.  
  
"Oh yeah and what have I done?" He shouted back.  
  
"Well for starters you almost hanged him!" She said pointing to Jack who tried to look innocent.  
  
"He is a pirate! By the way we could finish that right now!" He yelled. Then he turned calmly to me. "You wouldn't happen to have a piece of itchy rough rope on hand?"  
  
"Um no," I shook my head.  
  
"DON'T...YOU...DARE!" She threatened the Commodore. He looked back at her with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Try Me..." He said slowly.  
  
"Um would you mind taking this outside?" Jack asked nonchalantly. He fiddled with some of the beads that were braided into his stringy black hair.  
  
"NO!" They both yelled at him at the same time. He backed up a bit but then staggered as he got into their faces.  
  
"Your hurting MY BLINKING EARS!" He yelled back.  
  
"TOO BAD!" Elizabeth countered. Her lips were spread into a sassy frown.  
  
"Do you see why I like her? She's so fiery when she's angry!" Will said savagely. I turned and raised a brow.  
  
"Ah...yeah," I muttered.  
  
"Would you like to try the plaain ceke?" A voice suddenly asked us. We all turned to find Barbossa holding a crummy piece of coffee cake in his grubby hand.  
  
"Excuse me?" I asked.  
  
"The Plain Ceke?" He asked again.  
  
"What the he..." Jack trailed off after getting a stern look from Elizabeth.  
  
"What he say that for?" Will whispered feeling frightened at the crazed look in Barbossa's eyes, but then he had always had that look.  
  
"I dunno," Barbossa shrugged. "Just felt prompted to say that,"  
  
"Ah," The Commodore looked at him strangely. "I'm just an ordinary man! Why do I have to be cursed with being around you people?"  
  
"Pie = 3.14," Will suddenly spoke up. We all turned to look at him. I was seriously getting a crick in my neck. "We the People..." He trailed off.  
  
"He's a bloom'n genius," Elizabeth muttered.  
  
"I think he's coming back from his insane state," I said looking at Will more closely. Yes he did in fact seem saner. Maybe the lightening affect was wearing off.  
  
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!" Will suddenly burst out. Or maybe not. I shook my head...  
  
A/N: And no, contrary to popular belief this authoress was not on drugs when she was writing this chapter. She had just gotten off the high of seeing My Fair Lady! See if you can find at least four references to My Fair Lady, first one gets a spot in the next chapter! 


	8. The Visitor and Barbossa's Not My Uncle

A/N: I hope you guys like the updated chapter. I don't own apple computers, or PhantomKnight's screen name. I will be writing the other contest winners into future chapters. R&R...  
  
A booming knock at the door startled us all. The Commodore suddenly leaped up and shot across the room and tackled me...hard.  
  
"Cannon Fire!" The Commodore screamed.  
  
"Oafff!" I groaned under his weight.  
  
"Everybody down! Get down!" He yelled in my ear. Jack raised an eyebrow and leaned over to Elizabeth.  
  
"Be glad you never married him, Love."  
  
"I'm glad I never married anybody." She sniffed, looking over at Will. He wasn't paying any attention to them. He was concentrating on looking over a frozen waffle from my freezer. "Ehem," She cleared her throat. "I'm glad I never married anyone!" She said a little louder. Will still hadn't got the hint. He had now picked up the waffle and was trying to bite into it. Elizabeth got up and stormed over to him. "I'M GLAD I NEVER MARRIED ANYONE!" She screamed in his ear. Will looked up at her with his big brown eyes brimming with tears. "What do you have to say to that?" She asked bitterly.  
  
"Waffles have riddddges!" He held up the waffle and proclaimed with a big smile. Elizabeth smacked a hand to her forehead.  
  
"Men!" She proclaimed.  
  
"Commodore," I groaned. "If you will please get OFF of me than I will be able to answer the door."  
  
"Oh excuse me, my fair lady," He replied haughtily. "I just saved your life AND I get no thanks?"  
  
"That's right," I said pushing him off of me. I ran over to the window and pushed back the curtain to see who was at the door. "OH MY GOSH!" I whimpered. "It's my friend! You guys have to hide! Hurry!" The whole group gazed over at me with weird expressions on their faces. "Surely you know what the word "hide" means don't you?" I asked rather exasperated with them.  
  
"Yes, but I'm sure the Commodore knows the word better than I," Elizabeth said smirking over in the Commodore's direction.  
  
"What do you mean by that statement??" The Commodore asked indignantly.  
  
"Well you may not be afraid of cursed pirates, but you're sure afraid of your mother when she comes to visit you from England," Elizabeth smiled sweetly.  
  
"Well I never!!" Norrington reached out trying to strangle her. Jack quickly sized up the situation and latched on to the Commodore's legs before he could do any bodily harm to Elizabeth. "GET OFF! GET OFF ME YOU DIRTY PIRATE!" Norrington yelled back at the grinning man who had a hold of his legs.  
  
I watched in growing fascination. Barbossa came over to me and looked up at me with his big misty eyes.  
  
"Uh, I hate to be a bother," He said rather softly. "But your friend is at the door and she wants to see you right now." I hurriedly started towards the small foyer, but then stopped and turned around.  
  
"Ummm, Barbossa...Did you happen open the door?"  
  
"Yes." He replied calmly.  
  
"Ah," I replied calmly. "Guys!" I said clapping my hands together loudly. They all looked up at me quite startled. Jack had Norrington in a head lock. He froze and blinked like a deer in the headlights. "Ok here's the plan...everybody in the closet...now."  
  
"But..." Norrington held up a hand in protest.  
  
"NOW!" I cried. Everyone scurried into the nearest closet, which happened to be our large pantry.  
  
"It smells in here," Elizabeth proclaimed flashing pearly white teeth at me.  
  
"To bad," I said closing the door, but before I shut I stuck my head back in the closet and eyed them all. "Whatever you don't touch the forth shelf from the top. My mom screwed it into the wall wrong, and it's not stable!" I warned them. Right when I shut the door I heard the shelf fall with a loud crash.  
  
"JACK!" All three cried. I smacked a hand to my forehead and groaned.  
  
"Sorry." I heard him say through the thin wooden door. I heard a muffled smack, obviously Elizabeth had remedied the situation by slapping Jack.  
  
"Oww," I heard him moan.  
  
"SHH!" Elizabeth muttered.  
  
I sighed and quickly headed into the foyer. I placed a smiled on my lips and entered the room.  
  
"Hello!" I grinned at the girl sitting on the couch. She merely smiled and lifted her hand in a friendly wave.  
  
"Who was in the kitchen Kat?"  
  
"Ummm no one. The...the TV was on...yeah," I looked at her uncertainly.  
  
"Sounds like a violent soap opera." She said dryly.  
  
"What's your name again?  
  
"PhantomKnight, My ID # is 534553 on Fan Fiction. You can call me PK for short,"  
  
"Oh ok,"  
  
"I hope that wasn't your boyfriend who answered the door," PK admonished.  
  
"No!"  
  
"He really is far too old for you, and your parents would never allow it,"  
  
"Hey! Leave my parents out of this. And besides my private life is none of your business!"  
  
"That guy looked strangely familiar." PK pondered.  
  
"Ummmm...he's my uncle." I interrupted so she wouldn't keep thinking about who "my uncle" looked like. "So why are you here?"  
  
"I came just to visit you I guess. Really I don't know why I'm here. I had this strange urge to come to 12345 Anywhere Road in Nowhere, New Mexico," She said looking rather dazed.  
  
"Um, my address is 12333 Hello Kitty Ln. in Salsa, Colorado," I said hesitantly.  
  
"Same thing," She said distantly.  
  
"Uhuh," My eyes got wide. "So do you want to come in and have a coke or something?"  
  
"Sure." She said following me into the kitchen.  
  
"Grab a coke, they are in a pack in the pantry," I said heading towards the computer to check my mail.  
  
"Ok," She said heading to the pantry. I realized my mistake too late.  
  
"Wait! Don't open the do..." I was interrupted by a scream. PK had opened the pantry door and was now screaming bloody murder when she saw what tumbled out.  
  
"OH MY GOSH!" She screamed. "AHHHH!!!"  
  
"You're hurting my ears," Will complained. He brushed a heavy can of tomato soup off his shoulder.  
  
"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" PK kept screaming. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! IT'S ORLANDO BLOOM!"  
  
"Who?" Will asked her.  
  
"WHO?" She asked rather surprised. "Come here." She said pulling Will up by his shirt collar.  
  
"Ow!" Will cried out. "Now you're hurting my rather delicate body!"  
  
"Move over," PK said shoving me off the computer. I slid off the chair onto the carpet. I rubbed my now bruised back-end.  
  
"Ow," I mimicked Will's pained expression, except my pain was real.  
  
"Look Orlando," PK said typing rapidly on the keyboard. Will gazed in awe at the bright screen of my apple computer.  
  
"Don't break my keyboard," I said, irritation edging my tone.  
  
"I won't...now shut up." She muttered. "Look Orlando!" She squealed.  
  
"Who is this Orlando?" Jack spoke up.  
  
"What are you talking about??" PK squealed again.  
  
"Ummm PK? May I offer a suggestion?"  
  
"Fine, whatever!" She smiled at me brightly.  
  
"I think...Ummm....never mind, it would take to long to explain." I said shrugging. I believed that since the characters came from the movie they weren't the real stars, they were just the characters. It would take to long to retell the long story to PK how the Pirates of the Caribbean characters got into my living room.  
  
"Ok," She shrugged and smiled.  
  
"Who's Orlando?" Jack asked.  
  
"This guy," PK said pointing at the screen at a very cute picture of Orlando Bloom.  
  
"OOOOH!" Will said open mouthed. "Who's that again?"  
  
"OR-LA-ND-O," PK said slowly. Another knock resounded at the door. It could be my parents home early...or oh no....another fan fiction writer!  
  
"Uh Oh," I moaned. 


	9. Twin Trauma and the Essyentials

A/N: I don't own fanfiction...grrrr, or seventeen magazine. Hope you guys like it! You can offer suggestions as to what you think would be hilarious for them to do, or places they can go. R&R!.......prrreeetty please.....  
  
I slid by PK and the crew to get to the door. They were staring at my computer screen with growing interest. Whoever (or whomever in some cases) was at the door kept banging loudly. I was growing quite perturbed with them. I swung open the door, not really caring at this point whether or not they saw the Pirates of the Caribbean crew in my living room with a very eccentric fan.  
  
"Yes??" I asked. A very tall curvy looking chick with a black shirt on that said "Kiss Me I'm A Pirate" was looking at me with wide eyes. Of course I hadn't showered after my cleaning up stint, so I looked a mess. I was no longer the clean girl that I once was. Drat. I scowled at her.  
  
"Hi, is this Kat's house?" The girl asked. She had an English accent.  
  
"Who's asking?" I asked rather rudely. I even shocked myself.  
  
"Why do I have an English accent??? I'm not even from England!" She interrupted in a very perky American accent.  
  
"I dunno, ask the authoress!" I shrugged. The girl frowned once more, but then after a moment resumed her happy smile and very fake English accent.  
  
"Esmeralda, Esmeralda Sparrow, but you can call me Essy for short," She stuck out her hand to shake mine, her blonde ponytail swaying with the action. I eyed her hand as if checking for germs or hidden weapons. "My ID # 322964." She grinned and withdrew her hand still smiling as happily as ever even though I hadn't touched it.  
  
"Oh no! You're not on Fan Fiction too are you??"  
  
"Why yes," Her eyebrows scrunched up. "Is that a problem?"  
  
I sighed. "Come on in." I opened the door all the way so that she could enter. "By the way, ummm who let you know to come to my house?"  
  
"Oh well there was this e-mail that was sent out to a few diehard Pirates of the Caribbean fans telling us to come to your house at umm....9:30 PM...I'm a little late, but I hope there's room for me!"  
  
"Always room." I said sarcastically. Now who could have sent that e-mail, I pondered this. Hmmmm. A prying neighbor perhaps? Maybe Miss Fudge was trying to get back at me for shaving Chuckles the poodle. Hmmmmm. But would cranky Miss Fudge know how to spot Pirates of the Caribbean character. No, it wasn't likely. I wondered about this for several minutes more and then went into the living room to see what the crew was doing. I gazed around. Elizabeth was seated in very lady-like across from Essy who was giving her make-up tips. PK was still glued to the computer with Will at her side. Barbossa was petting Chewbacca who had amazingly calmed down enough to come back down stairs. Jack was no where to be found. I thought I had lost him until I heard the tale-tell sound of a flushing toilet. He came out of the guest bathroom. There was a bewildered look on his face.  
  
"You know porcelain is hard to loot," He muttered as he walked past. "Especially heavy porcelain." He had tried to loot my toilet. Great! Just Great! Well it would be his own private "throne" that was for sure, that is if he ever got the hulking thing unscrewed from the concrete floor! I looked around for Norrington, scanning the kitchen and living room. Hmmm, where was he? I heard the sound of someone flipping pages. I walked into my brother's room (his room is the only bedroom on the first floor of my house. My parents didn't want me to have it because they were afraid I could sneak out easier...like I ever would! Well....maybe) He was sitting on my brothers bed reading MY seventeen magazine!  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked, putting the emphasis on the word "are"  
  
"Reading. This is most fascinating!" He said flipping the magazine long-ways so that he could pull out the poster of the Olsen twins with milk mustaches.  
  
"Who's that?" He asked. I had to say I did enjoy hearing his English accent. It was so different from the everyday American trailer park variety (now no offense to those who live in trailer parks, it's just an expression, calm yourselves.)  
  
"That's Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen." I calmly explained.  
  
"Which one's which?"  
  
"Well..." I said squinting at the page. I was almost blind as a bat while reading. "Ummm well that's Mary Kate....and umm...noo...that's Mary Kat...wait...ummm," I stumbled. The twins looked just a like. Drat. This was a picture of them long before one of them had dyed their hair brown so it was even harder telling them apart.  
  
"This is...Ashley..." I said pointing uncertainly at the page. Norrington mouthed the word "Oh"  
  
"Kat!" Jack yelled. "Come quic...." His sentence died in his mouth as soon as he saw the picture Norrington was holding up. He whistled. "And who are those lovely wenches?" He asked running a finger down Mary-Kate's chin...or was that Ashley's chin?  
  
"That would be Mary-Kate and Ashley!" I smiled. I was actually getting in a good mood, considering my parents would be home in two hours and that the house was looking anything but spotless, and that I would be deader than dead if they ever found out what had happened even though it wasn't my fault.  
  
"Which is which?" He asked.  
  
"Well that's Ashley and ummm wait...no that's Ashley...hmm...wait I know! That's Ash..."  
  
"Ah well Sparrow, look you've made the lass tongue-tied, rather like you'll be when I hang you when we get back to Port Royal!" Norrington obviously didn't like being interrupted.  
  
"I don't think you're tongue tied! I think you're heart-tied. Because you are in love with a 14 year old girl!"  
  
"I'm 16!" I scowled at Sparrow.  
  
"Heart-tied? Why that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!" Norrington huffed.  
  
"Exactly." Jack grinned at him.  
  
"Jack..." I said trying to break up a brewing fight. If punches did start to fly it would be any man's victory, and I didn't want blood on the carpet. It would be another thing that I would have to pay for! "Jack, why did you come running in here in the first place?"  
  
"Oh? Ah, well ya see....Barbossa is eating some of the girl's war paint."  
  
"War paint?" I questioned.  
  
"Yeah..." He shrugged.  
  
"Oh you mean makeup!" I hurried into the living room. Essy and Elizabeth were off in their own world of makeup and girly girl fun while I had to pry a bright teal blue eye shadow out of Barbossa's mouth!  
  
"Eww!" I said wiping the drool off my hands onto my jeans. Another knock fell against the door. "Not again!!!!" I screamed. I looked up at the ceiling. "Can't you make it all go away? Look you made the earth in 7 days! Why not take all of this away!"  
  
"Your shirt has stuff on it." Barbossa quietly commented. I slowly glared down at him. He scuttled back into the corner in fear at my blazing eyes. (WOW! I sound scary!!) It was true, I had gotten the eye shadow on my shirt while struggling to free the canister from the evil clutches of Barbossa's mouth. I shuddered just thinking again about the drool. Ewww! I slowly walked to the door, with my head hung low. I reached for the door knob, and opened the door.... 


	10. Fluffy Bunnies and Truth or Dare

A/N: I don't own Sonic America's Drive Thru, diet coke, or Sprite...even though I like all three!R&R...  
  
"Hey, I'm Rebecca Hawkins," The girl smiled back at me from the sidewalk.  
  
"Yeah what else is new?" I complained throwing the door wide open. She hurried in.  
  
"I hope I'm not too late but I..."  
  
"Came as soon as you could, because the e-mail said 9:30?" I guessed. She looked at me wide-eyed, and ran a hand through her very long brown hair.  
  
"Why yes, that's it." She smiled. "Where is dear William?"  
  
"Who? Oh Will, ummm he's in the living room with everyone else." I said following her.  
  
"Oh wait," She said turning around so quickly that I almost ran into her. "My friends are outside!"  
  
"Your friends?? As in plural? Friends with an "s" on the end???" This couldn't get any worse...well it could, but I didn't like to think about that fact.  
  
"Why yes, that's it." She smiled. I turned back around, almost ready to weep. I was dead meat if my parents came home early. I flung open the door.  
  
"State your names and fan fiction ID" I said without looking up.  
  
"Nomi Clawskull, 569464," A girl replied to my blunt question.  
  
"Devonny Strauss, 640913," The other girl said.  
  
"Ok this is going to be a long order, so bear with me. I need two large Coney deals with extra mustard on the side... you got that? On the side. Then I need a number five with bacon and a Sprite. Got that? Ok then I'll need five cheese fries and four diet cokes...."  
  
"Ummm ma'am?" I said looking up to see a large woman with five kids in soccer uniforms clustered around her. "This isn't Sonic,"  
  
"Oh..." The woman said looking very disappointed. "Ok, fine then. Be that way! Our last waitress was prettier than you anyway! Come on boys we'll go to the Sonic down the street! Come on Chester, Colin, Calvin, Camden, and Zach!!" She yelled. I watched as they retreated down the sidewalk.  
  
Devonny upped an eyebrow. "Strange..."  
  
"No stranger than my evening," I muttered. "Come on in."  
  
"Thanks!" Nomi said brightly. She was wearing a very cute red t-shirt with black stripes that said "Zebra's Have Feelings Too."  
  
"So where is everyone?" Devonny asked. The group was small, but then I hadn't arranged the party, if I had, no one would have been invited!  
  
"Who needs anyone else!" Jack smiled at Nomi. "Only two people are needed for a party!"  
  
"JACK!" Elizabeth said hurrying over to him. She raised her hand and slapped him.  
  
"Ow! I don't think I deserved that." Jack muttered.  
  
"Oh, but I think you did!" She countered. "Will! Tell him that he deserved to be slapped!" She said angrily.  
  
"No man deserves to be slapped, only hugged like a fluffy bunny." Will said, his eyes were wide with excitement. "Will you be my fluffy bunny?" He asked Jack.  
  
"Erm....no." Jack backed away.  
  
"But you're so...sooo...so fluffy!" Will protested. "Fluffy bunnies like to be hugged.  
  
"Not this fluffy bunny!" Jack said bumping into the back of the couch, her quickly flipped over it and landed on the other side of it. A crash in the kitchen turned all eyes to the culprit. Barbossa walked out of the closet with flour all over him. The white powder was stuck in his nasty hair, face, and clothes.  
  
"Oh!" Rebecca said suddenly. "Look what you did, sweetie!" She ran over to him. "Did you hurt yourself?"  
  
"More like hurt his brain." Norrington laughed. Rebecca shot a pained glance over at him.  
  
"Don't listen to him. Your brain is fine, if not a little fried." I smiled.  
  
Rebecca hugged on Barbossa who looked up at me with his big misty eyes and with a little voice that you would never expect to come out of such a big man he said;  
  
"She's scaring me!" He squeaked.  
  
"She's scaring me too!" I agreed.  
  
"Oh I'm just showing friendly affection," She backed off. White flour was stuck to her hair and clothes. Big dramatic tears welled up in her eyes. "If you didn't want for me to hug you could just say so nicely." She hid her face in a pillow and erupted into big baby sobs. Barbossa looked over at me for help. I shrugged. He timidly patted her back.  
  
"There, there." He said sweetly, which is hard for a big, craggy, mean old pirate to do. The thing was that even though his brain was zapped, he still retained a little of his formal self, but not much. Norrington and Jack both laughed silently, while Elizabeth, PK, and Essy were standing back watching in silent horror. Devonny elbowed me.  
  
"This is just plain sick." She whispered. I agreed. Rebecca looked up at Barbossa, tears still in her eyes. Barbossa looked down at Rebecca, his eyes wide.  
  
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" He asked her.  
  
"No, but let me look at you again." She whispered. Jack almost fainted with laughter. Elizabeth shot him a death glare.  
  
"My darling..." Barbossa whispered.  
  
"My dearest!" Rebecca smiled. They embraced. That was it. That was the last straw. Jack burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Barbossa glared at him. Ok it might have been just me...but um did Barbossa seem to be regaining some of his former self? His glare sent chills down my back.  
  
"I suggest we play a game." Devonny said. We all looked at her. This could be interesting.  
  
"What game?" Will asked jumping up and down. "I LOVE PARTY GAMES!" He squealed.  
  
"I noticed." Jack muttered.  
  
"How about spin the tail on the donkey!" Will suggested.  
  
"I think what he means is pin the tail on the donkey." I said helpfully.  
  
"That's my Will." Elizabeth sighed shaking her head.  
  
"I've got it! Let's play truth or dare!" Rebecca smiled evilly looking at Norrington.  
  
"Why in the world were you looking at me when you said that?" He asked.  
  
"Because I'm sure you have a few diirrrrtyyy secrets that we'd all love to know about."  
  
"I know I would." I piped up. He glared at me. We all sat down in a semi-circle, except for Jack who was examining an expensive vase my mother had gotten in China.  
  
"You go first Jack, truth or dare!" Devonny asked. He looked at her strangely.  
  
"You don't think I'm playing this petty game do you?"  
  
"If you do...I'll...I'll give you a treasure!' Devonny promised.  
  
"Ok I'm in." Jack replied greedily, setting down the vase and joining us.  
  
"Oh of course you'd sell out for treasure." Norrington said sharply.  
  
"Pirate." Jack quipped brightly.  
  
"Ok...truth or dare, Jack?" Devonny asked again.  
  
"Truth...I'm not hiding anything...unlike some people in this room." He said smiling quite giddily at Barbossa.  
  
"How many girls have you dated at once?" Nomi asked him. "You have to be honest!"  
  
"Erm..." Jack squirmed. "Uhhh...I haven't dated more than one at one time..."  
  
I almost choaked. "Not true! Remember Giselle?"  
  
"Well that was just one time!" He complained. His face was becoming bright red.  
  
"New rule!" Nomi spoke up. "If a person lies than they have to do another truth or dare, and that one will be painful!" We all looked grimly around at each other. This was becoming...interesting at last.  
  
"Jack we'll let you off, but next time!" I warned. "Ask a truth or dare to another person,"  
  
"Ok...hmm. Will, truth or dare?"  
  
"Truth...no wait. I mean dare...no I want a truth...wait..."  
  
"PICK ONE!" We all shouted at the same time.  
  
"Truth..." Will said biting his lip anxiously.  
  
Jack spoke up quickly so his befuddled friend wouldn't have time to change his mind. "Will have you ever sucked your thumb past the age of ten?"  
  
"Uhhh...yes." He squeaked. We all gasped.  
  
"But Will, you said you threw away your blankie and Mr. Huggs the teddy bear when you were six!"  
  
"Uhhh yesh...I guess I lied about that to you, my dear. I mean people would laugh if a blacksmith said he still sucked his thumb and slept with a blankie and a teddy bear named Mr. Huggs that people would chuckle about that."  
  
"More like die from laughter!" Jack slapped his knee.  
  
"Wait...you mean you still suck your thumb and sleep with the teddy bear??" Elizabeth asked outraged. Will blushed.  
  
"William Turner... I take back what I said about you being like your father! Your father would never sleep with a teddy bear...more like a white stuffed rabbit, but that's a different story." Jack laughed.  
  
"I am never kissing you again! Eww! Think how dirty your thumb is Will!!" Elizabeth scrunched up her face to show her disgust.  
  
"Ok Will, ask someone else a truth or dare." Nomi encouraged. PK who had sat so silently in the back of the group brightened up when Will chose her.  
  
"Truth or dare, PK?" Will asked.  
  
"Dare." She said bravely.  
  
"Oh this ought to be good." Jack murmured. "He'll probably have her jump up and down and chew gum at the same time...no one can do that." He said sarcastically.  
  
"Stick your head in the oven and turn it up to 350 degrees." He said swiftly. He thought this was very witty of him. Everyone looked at him in shock.  
  
"On second thought I choose a truth." PK countered quickly. Will's face dropped, but nonetheless he quickly thought up a "truth." Well quick for him was about ten minutes. So after great deliberation Will thought up his question.  
  
"Do you like older men?" He winked at her.  
  
"Yes, but not too much older...just like a year or two older than me." PK smiled.  
  
"Do you like Barbossa?" Jack asked her.  
  
"NO!" She practically shouted.  
  
"Do you like Sparrow?" Will asked.  
  
"One question only!!" Nomi interrupted to the relief of PK.  
  
"Yeah!!" Essy said. With that the door bell rang.  
  
"Oh good it's the pizza!" Jack brightened. He had gotten slightly queasy over the fact that a younger, but pretty girl had a crush on him.  
  
"You ordered pizza?" I asked incredulously.  
  
"I helped him! You can order it on the internet!" PK spoke up.  
  
"Oh gosh! What are going to use to pay for it??"  
  
"Would this work?" He asked digging around in his mouth. He popped a golden cap off a tooth. I stared at the slobbery piece of gold.  
  
"Ummm no. Jack this is a different century you can't do that here!" I slapped a hand to my forehead. "It's ok I'll pay for it..." I said after a moment. I hurried to the door and opened it and with a surprised shriek I shut it in the visitors faces. Oh No!!  
  
A/N: Does this feel familiar...lol! 


	11. Add Three More and You Get a Partay!

A/N: I'm back!!! Ok on to the good stuff! I do not own the name Eowyn, that would be Lord of the Rings, but it is my friend's nickname so of course I had to use it! I also don't own Ebay!

"Helloooo!" Three voices chirped at the same time after I opened the door once more.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked incredulously. Lexi, Eowyn Z., and Bella all stood before me holding five large cheese pizzas (still in their warm boxes of course.)

"We came to have a par-tay!" Eowyn said holding up a pizza box giddily. I raised a brow at her.

"Are your parents home?" Lexi asked looking beyond me. I stepped in front of her, trying to block her view of what was behind me.

"Um no! But I'm SLIGHTLY busy right now!" I said in an irritated manner.

"Well excuse me!" Bella said sarcastically. She smiled a big wide grin as she brushed her beautiful long curly hair out of her face. I tried not to smile! I really did, but they looked so funny all crowded up in my door way!

"Come in." I said reluctantly. Immediately Sparrow came up by my elbow and grabbed the pizza boxes.

"Finally!" He said with a swagger in his step.

"Oh my gosh!" The girls said at the same time. They looked beyond Capt'n Jack to see Will, Elizabeth, Commodore Norrington, and Barbossa all sprawled out on my couch waiting for the pizza. My mouth also gapped open when I realized that Elizabeth was braiding Barbossa's hair into little buns on the side of his head. "OH MY GOSH!!!!" They cried.

"What? Oh you noticed them?" I said calmly. I shut the door after they all stumbled in. "Jack leave some for us ok?" I shouted over at the pirate who was digging in heartily. He looked up from the pizza his mouth was covered in sauce and cheese and whatever he had ordered to go on top of the pizza.

"Where did you get them?? Off Ebay?" Lexi asked reaching out to touch Will's blonde hair. He slapped her hand away with a grimace.

"Girls are sooo annoying! Especially fans!" He replied. Lexi gave him an evil look.

"Mate…some people…well guys especially see it as a blessing in disguise. I mean when all these beautiful girls come up to you all the time asking for your autograph, maybe to kiss their baby, and maybe even to kiss them!" Jack said through a mouthful of pizza.

"You are disgusting." Elizabeth said with a growl.

"Pirate!" Jack grinned as pizza sauce dribbled down his scruffy chin.

"I think that phrase has been overused!" Rebecca Hawkins said with a grimace. "As much as I like it, it was yesterday's phrase."

"I resent that!" Jack said incredulously.

"No you represent it." PK pointed out.

"Who are all these weird people?" Bella asked pointing to the fanfiction chicks. It was true! I had a ton of people in my living room. All of them had found my address! Oh now that I think about it…that is scary!

"Nomi Clawskull." Nomi raised her hand and waved. "I'm not weird either!"

"Rrrrriiiiggght!" Jack said sarcastically.

"I'm Devonny Strauss." Devonny grinned at them. "Nice to meet you!"

"Are those your real names?" Eowyn asked hopelessly. I shook my head. Blonde as she was, we all still loved her!

"No they are not!" Rebecca Hawkins said hugging Barbossa tightly. His eyes bulged out.

"_help me!"_ He said as she force the air from his lungs with her tight hug.

"You almost killed my love!!!" Elizabeth said with a shriek. "Oh wait I already said that."

"Uhuh you did," Jack said looking unimpressed. "So shut up already!"

"Hmph!" The stuck up girl replied.

"Uh, guys?" I said getting everyone's attention. "These are my friends, Bella, Eowyn, and Lexi."

"And don't forget the name either." Lexi replied forcefully. Jack raised a brow.

"Bite me!" He said looking at her to see her reaction.

"Maybe later." She said sarcastically. His eyes welled up with misty tears.

"FINALLY!" He shouted. We all looked at him.

"WHAT??" We all asked at once.

"I found my equal!!!" He ran over and grabbed her hand, pizza sauce dripping on the carpet.

"You're paying to have that cleaned!" I said calmly. The house was already a mess. I had been dead as soon as the crew from Pirates of the Caribbean showed up in my living room!

"You my sarcastic little lassie/wench are the perfect woman for me!" Jack said.

"Isn't that a little out of character for you?" I asked him.

"Sure, but hey this is your story!"

"What about other women?" Lexi asked.

"I'm giving those up for good!" He threw me a look. "How much are you paying the writer?"

"Not much." I said with a shrug.

"Oh…well it shows." He said and then turned back to Lexi who was smiling.

"Who cares if he's out of character!" PK said happily. "Jack have you ever thought of a more mature woman?"

"I hope I never get that tense!" He replied with a Conrad Birdie sort of flair. "Come my love let us travel down a moonlighted path among the roses and lilies that could never match your beauty…Wow this is stupid. Come on! When are you going to think up new fresh material?"

"When you have a writer who has been working on a passionate romance for the past 6 or 7 months this is what you get!"

"What? Trash?" Eowyn said with a laugh.

"I'll get you later!" I promised her.

"I'll be waiting, fool!" She said with a gangsta accent.

"Can we get on with things??" Elizabeth asked. "I'm starving! I want some pizza?"

"You eat?" Rebecca asked her. Elizabeth responded by giving Rebecca a glare.

"Of course she eats! Doesn't it show?" Will asked stupidly. "What ever happened to us playing a game all together?"

"Ah yes! The game!" I said with a grin. "Now we have more people it will be more fun! I've got a great game idea!"

"Yes?" They all asked with a frown.

"Well you don't have to look so excited!" I said sarcastically. "Its called question and answer with the cast!" The girls looked evilly over at the Pirates of the Caribbean crew.

"Uh oh." Will gulped.

"Is this going to be like Jerry Springer?" Eowyn asked.

"No." I said dryly.

"Good," Bella said grimly. "I don't like the Muppets."

"You're thinking of a different show dearest," I replied patting her on the back. "This show doesn't have kid friendly puppets."

"Oooh!" She nodded.

"Ok time for the game." I said setting out chairs for the crew. "Sit." I said to them. The girls and I sat on the couch eagerly.

"I'll ask the first question!" Eowyn said. "Jack…what's the most embarrassing tattoo that you have?"

"Uh…"

"He doesn't know." Elizabeth laughed. "He was drunk when he got that one tattoo of a rubber ducky on his back!"

"WHAT???" We all shouted at her.

"It's true!" She said giggling.

"And how do you know about it?" I asked. She blushed.

"That's for me to know and you to never ever find out!" She growled.

"Ooooh scary!" Lexi said sarcastically.

"Thats my girl!" Jack clapped for Lexi.

"You do realize that i'm a Teen who is in love Pirates of the Caribbean fan and I have a lot of passion and love for your character right?"

"So?"

"I'm a 16 year old love crazed fan!!" She screamed.

"Gotcha." He gulped.

"My turn!" Devonny said not wanting to be forgotten. "Ok, Elizabeth! How many boyfriends have you had?"

"Uh…" She stuttered. "I…I…don't know?"

"Liar!" Will shouted. "She's had 57!"

"You counted?"

"Well you yourself said that I loved you. Wouldn't your love keep track of how many boyfriends you've had in your short life?"

"Oh Will! I didn't know you cared!" Elizabeth said passionately.

"I'm surprised he hasn't cheated on you, you've cheated on him so many times!" Eowyn said cockily.

"Uh…well…."

"There was that one girl at the pub in Tortuga that he asked out just a few weeks ago." Jack piped up.

"Shut up Jack!" Will shushed him.

"Oh!!!" Elizabeth shrieked. We all covered our ears. "Well I never!!!"

"Well you did!" I pointed out. "You cheated on him 57 times! You didn't follow your heart and be with him instead of 57 worthless men!"

"The Commodore is one of them, too!" Will said angrily. He poked Norrington in the side. Norrington jerked awake. He had been sleeping!

"Wha? Wha? What did I miss?"

"A pirate hanging." Jack said dryly.

"What??? How could you not wake me up for…oh." He said angrily when he noticed who had given him that piece of information.

"This is feeling like Jerry Springer more and more." I said shaking my head.

"I agree." Nomi said sighing. "Ok my turn!! Will, do you still love Lizzie over here?"

"That's Elizabeth to you!" She replied huffily.

"Oh my gosh. Whatever!" Nomi growled. "Will do you still love Lizzie Borden over here?"

"Uh…yes." Will said nodding.

"My turn!" Bella said catching on to the scheme. "Elizabeth do you still love Will?"

"Ummm…yes." She nodded.

"Are you willing to give up 57 boyfriends for Will?" Bella asked.

"ONE QUESTION EACH!" Elizabeth screeched.

"Fine then I'll ask you! Are you willing to give up 57 boyfriends for Will?" Essy asked.

"Um…………………………………………………………………………………..yes." She said slowly.

"YAY!! WE HAVE LOVE AGAIN!!!" Lexi and Bella screamed. Eowyn didn't look so sure.

"Are you willing to give your life for her?" Eowyn asked.

"Um sure," Will shrugged. "Will I get candy if I do?"

"Uhhh…sure! Lots of candy!" Eowyn grinned at us. We laughed.

A/N: MORE TO COME VERY SOON!! I hope you liked it. Tell me what you think!


End file.
